she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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