i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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