Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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