i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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