Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
