She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
