i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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