if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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