apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
