alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
