My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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