Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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