Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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