this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
