Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
