Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
