I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
