i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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