Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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