so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
