Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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