I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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