im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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