I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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