i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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