dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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