This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
