She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think i got beer on your cat.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
