did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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