how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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