i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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