Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
