We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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