this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just pee around me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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