Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
