weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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