you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize