So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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