i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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