So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
