im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
