Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize