can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
smell my finger.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
