Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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