You can't motorboat a personality
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
