Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
