I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize