Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
