Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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