He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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