Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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