Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
