I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
