A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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