my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
