Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
