Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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