the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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