Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
