fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
