you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
