bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
