I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize