I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
