Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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