I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize