how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
