There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
