New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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