oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
