her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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