ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
