That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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