I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
