Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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