two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
