You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
