i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
