it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
