I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
