I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
birth control should be required to get into college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
