i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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