O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
